Wednesday, 24 August 2011

Happy Birthday Bunmi!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know this one person, hardly pings or calls, once in a while we get to just chill so I guess a couple of people see us around and know we have a relationship. Our friendship is like peeing in my pants, a couple of people see it but only me knows what it feels like.

Long story short, its her birthday today and I just want to wish her many more beautiful and productive years!!!

May our friendship be tighter than those blue jeans Buki wore in our 2nd year!
Love you muchly xxxxxx

Monday, 22 August 2011

The Crazy Human Jungle

I overheard a conversation between two girls at a salon the last time I was there. Apparently, one of them was constantly exchanging text messages and phone conversations with a certain guy she had never met and she had grown quite fond of him. They eventually made plans to hook up and she decided,to put awkward moments at a minimum? calm her nerves? whatever her reasons were, to bring a friend along. By the end of the date, the Mr had completely lost interest in her and was in total awe of the "handbag". As you rudely imagined, they exchanged numbers and started a face-to-face relationship soon after. Bitch! Snitch! Snake! Witch! Wow!

I have been in a similar situation myself. I got a call from a random dude, he met one of my friends and asked to take her out and she gave him my phone number instead. I was in my second year in Uni and somehow failed to snag a guy during the "October rush" so I was quite excited and determined to pin this one down. I was very nice, tried to sound sweet and hot on the phone, bought new lipglosses and hip hugging jeans in preparation for our first meet. Convo went well and lasted long. Finally, the day came. I was filled with nervous excitement and could not wait to introduce him to my world of friends. I wore my jeans, lipglossed my lips and asked two of my friends to come with me. We kept calling, trying to get a central location/ identify ourselves and what not, then I finally saw him. He wasn't that fine but had a really good body. With a huge smile on my face, leading my pack of 3, I sashayed towards him and introduced myself. He smiles back, pulled me towards him and whispered "who are your friends?" so I did a quick introduction. After he got their names, he cut me off the party!!!!!! Like completely ignored and totally forgot I was there. I couldn't even be mad. I was drained, no energy to display emotions. I left, not like my absence was noticed, for the nearest car mirror, gave a good look at myself then walked to my hostel and cooked some lies up about the guy having the most horrible breathe ever!

I still cannot come to terms with why he did that. I console myself with my size, as my two friends are fuller than I am, but why did he not just go with one?

Well I guess it's just how the crazy jungle we live in works!

Friday, 19 August 2011

Adults say darned things too!

I remember when Bill Cosby's "kids say the darndest things" was my favorite TV show. I remember this one kid who was asked if he knew what Jesus Christ's parents were called and with all the confidence in the world, he answered "Mr&Mrs Christ" Hilarious!!!!!!! I laughed my butt off. Isn't being a child bliss? You can get away with plenty of bullshit talk and the grown ups think you're absolutely cute.

I have some cool ass childish jokes to crack, better than Bill Cosby's kids,for fear of being tagged a retard, I crack them privately. But after reading one edition of cosmopolitan, I discovered the one place, adults can say the darnedest things, and actually get responses is....a sex doctor's office!

Look what some sex doctors got asked by grown ass adults, sad for them they had to respond:

  • "My dog watched me and my guy have sex last night. Could I have scarred him for life?"
  • "If I use a corn cob as a sex toy, could the kernels pop off and sprout inside me?"
  • "I have this thing where I go out into the woods and put honey on my genitals and get aroused by bug bites down there. Is this normal?"
  • "Can you recommend a doctor who can reset my penis? I broke it"
  • "My husband was anally probed by aliens but he says he doesn't remember this happening. Can you do something to help spark his memory?"
  • "Does a woman pee out of her vagina?"
  • "Will a guy really explode from blue balls if he doesn't have an orgasm?"
  • "I want to go down on my boyfriend and swallow. Will I get pregnant?"
  • "Doctor, I used a lubricating jelly like you advised me to but it tasted terrible with peanut butter and now I'm afraid I'm going to be sick, not to mention, I don't feel anymore turned on than I usually am. What should I do?"
  • "The idea of being violently tickled excites me greatly. Am I alone here? Do you think it's erotic?" 
  • "My penis does not stay hard during sex, it tends to go limp halfway through the act. Can I show you what I mean?"
  • "I work in a restaurant, is it weird to masturbate around 14 times a day while I'm on the job?'
Are you as speechless as I am?

Friday, 12 August 2011



Hope you lot didn't miss me? I was off for so long but I had to retire to do some thinking. I realized two and a half weeks ago that I should have matured into a young woman so I took sometime out to pretend to think after my mum asked where my fiance was,a couple of my friends popped children, got married and others had parties for their kids.

But I'm back and it does feel good xx