Wednesday, 28 December 2011

Merry Christmas!!!!!!!!

Hi guys!!!!!

Hope you all had a wonderful christmas???

I just had to share this mail from Giuliana Rancic's FFF blog! It's basically her thoughts, ideas on everything you need to do before that special new year's eve midnight kiss and I found it quite hilarious!!

What do you know you could get a few tips too

Enjoy xxx

This Magic Moment

Secrets for the perfect New Year’s Eve midnight kiss

The Perfect New Year's Eve Kiss
10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5…

New Year’s Eve is right around the corner and I couldn’t be more excited. And while I love all the lights, the glitter, the bubbly, and the sparkly dresses, what I am really waiting for is that perfect midnight kiss.

You know the kind…think the upside down Spidey smooch, the right side up Titanic kiss, and maybe best of all, the rain-soaked Notebook lip lock.

Of course nothing can ruin the moment more than cracked, dry, totally un-kissable lips. And bad breath will mean the kiss of death, rather than the kiss of a lifetime! (Unless of course we’re talking about the Ghost kiss or the Twilight kiss — I’m not sure ghosts or vamps care about that stuff.)

Luckily, kissing is my middle name. OK that’s a lie, and it actually sounds kinda slutty, but I do have a pretty decent amount of kissing experience with my adorable hubs, Bill. So to make the midnight moment perfect, check out my tips for the perfect kiss.

Exfoliate: Rub your lips with a washcloth every time you take a shower or bath. You’ll get rid of rough, dead cells, leaving you with a perfect pout!

Moisturize: Use lip balm in the morning and at night under your regular lip gloss or lipstick. I am ub-sessed with Nivea’s A Kiss of Milk and Honey. I always keep one in my handbag, one in my makeup drawer at home, and one in my shower (just kidding…kinda).

Brush: Make sure to brush your entire mouth, including a good tongue scrub, followed by a rinse with a potent minty mouthwash.

Avoid: On the big night, forgo the garlic and onions at dinner. Yes, they are both delish, but you’re getting your mouth ready for the big kiss.

Chew: Grab a piece of gum 20 minutes before midnight and get chewing. I love Orbit White Gum. It’s so yummy and fresh.

Lose the gooey gloss: Guys hate overly gooey gloss that gets everywhere and can ruin the moment. Instead, opt for a bright red or pink lipstick. Sure, some guys claim they don’t like it, but on New Year’s Eve a little smeared red lipstick on your guy is sure to make him feel like a stud!

Go slow: There’s nothing worse than a messy, rushed kiss. So go slow and enjoy the moment!

Happy New Year!

xx, G

Thursday, 15 December 2011

Man Talk, Woman Talk

Man Talk, woman talk, a play by Ola Rotimi showed at the Terrakulture gallery in Lagos on Sunday. I saw the play and i'm not playing, that has to count as one of 2011's best experiences!!

Set in a courtroom, the play focused on two young adults debating sex stereotypes created by the society before a very hilarious judge, who swung from man to woman view as long as anyone of them spoke better, more complicated english, and the jury. Different issues were brought to life from female student sleeping with lecturers for higher exam scores, wearing fake hair and bleaching to men with their "hamlet complex" embezzling funds to keep a swarm of girls eyeing their fancy lifestyle.

They were very many funny moments, the man at some point described women as empty heads, in not so simple vocabulary, in response she talked about men's brains being in the wrong position and permanently upside down, at that point the judge left to use the bathroom, but changed his mind as he got to the door for fear of losing some brain cells... There was also the part where the man described women as devoid of emotions and tried to compare them with inanimate objects but ran out examples! Another really funny bit was when the judge's son bounced into the courtroom, sweaty and dressed in fitted sportswear to present the results of a research that may aid the debate, the look of disdain on the judge's face was side-splitting! Choice of words, from describing men as "perfumed liars with insecticide tongues" to her belief that men had evolved "from glorified homosapiens to he-goats" made her male counterpart shiver and got the audience laughing. I'm not being biased but the woman did a good job defending her gender, especially when the guy called all women prostitutes, she made him eat his words!

Long story short, it was a fabulous production and now I know seeing a stage play is a way better date idea than seeing a movie!

Friday, 2 December 2011

Cape Verde 2012!!!!!!!!!!

Hello me lovelies!

After I got "all that cash" from registering Nigerians for the April 2011 elections, I decided going on an all expense paid by me vacation was next on my life list. I searched for a nice, refreshingly different place where a Nigerian passport would guarantee me hassle free entry. A year, few months after and all of the inspiration cash gone, CAPE VERDE is that place!!!

Cape verde is an island country about 570km off the coast of western Africa, look at a world map to spot its sexy location!
Mindelo, Capital city of Sao vincente, one of the islands was voted one of Africa's 10 cosmopolitan cities.
P.S: Lagos is not on that list.
                                                Mindelo, Sao Vincente

Santa Maria in Sal another island in Cape verde is home to some of the most beautiful beaches in the world, chalk white sand, clear blue seas and no beach thugs!!

Plenty of water sports, music carnivals to attend in August, go fishing and catch sharks, learn Portuguese, scuba and deep sea diving, plus there are opportunities to see and learn more about loggerhead turtles on night time turtle excursions, (just like in Greece) and loads more to do!

                                                   Catch fish this big in Sal!!!

I'm making plans for a visit in August, we'll go via Dakar that houses the world famous Glacier Nice where you'll have one of the world's best ice cream, and the African Rennaissance Monument, taller than the statue of liberty, as there are no direct flights to Cape Verde from Lagos.

The music festival!!!!

                                                       The Santa Maria Pier in Sal

                                                 This is a hotel we could possibly camp at in Mindelo, Casa Colonial
                                             View from a hotel we could stay at in Sal.

        The hotel is self catering, complementary breakfast and houses on of the best Indian restaurants

So tell your friends to tell their friends!!! The more, the merrier, cheaper when we are more too :)

Wednesday, 30 November 2011

The DSTV bug and the Nigerian Fashion Week 2011

Cable tv is doing wonders in Nigeria. I hear it's responsible for the gazillion Chelsea, Man U, Arsenal fans living in Nigeria. Some of those who couldn't jump on the football fan club wagon caught the MTV/E!/Style Network bug and a few of the ballsy ones with 'creative streaks' in them decided to show at the Nigerian Fashion Week 2011.

The Show was themed 'going green' and in line with that, the designers were expected to create outfits out of recycled or earth friendly materials and goodness!!!! all of the designers sent loads of garbage down the runway especially Monu Monu. She sent models out twice wearing the same outfit, her idea of recycling maybe? There was the voodoo queen outfit (shown here) I will never comprehend and her closing garmet was the most horrifying wedding gown, just like the voodoo queen one, only far worse and in white. I should have got a photographer but sadly, he showed up at the end of the show.

Next on my list of terrible designers, Modela!!! His was basically a blast from the past collection, I think he got inspiration from the pre slave era, made outfits out of raffia, some material from a few of his old trousers and other ugly materials and was in such a hurry to send his collection down he forgot to iron the cloth pieces. His models looked sad!

Frank Osodi who should have been and started out as a breathe of fresh air ended up sendin down a very bla collection and a wedding dress was his closing garment, I thought that was supposed to be the killer outfit, it killed me bad! Worse than the wedding dress was the way the model strutted down the runway. She seemed like she was preparing to get on a boxing ring!

It was a good show all in all, there were celebrities to point at, Uti Nwachukwu, who's now an award winning musician, fashion pieces that looked like an awful copy cat episode of Project Runway Season 1 Episode 1 and an opportunity to walk the red carpet :D

Thursday, 6 October 2011


Plenty has changed over the weeks!

I'm no longer indebted to Nigeria, (NYSC is over whoop), I got a new job so my fashion is growing up, red talons, a pixie cut, my friend is a real life doctor after heaven knows how many years, thanks to Obafemi Awolowo University, her boyfriend proposed too, a weddind is around the corner, yayyyyy, I blog for a new, fantastic magazine, Mannequin, y'all should check it out and my blog is getting a new name!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, 7 September 2011


The fashion world is trying to breed "budgetnistas" and Nigeria may have carried last as finding a stylish and complete ensemble on a student/corper budget is just as easy as passing your pinky finger through a needle's eye. I decided to force mine throught those eyes and after much suffering look what shoes I got at bestest price!!!!!

You love?!

Wednesday, 24 August 2011

Happy Birthday Bunmi!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know this one person, hardly pings or calls, once in a while we get to just chill so I guess a couple of people see us around and know we have a relationship. Our friendship is like peeing in my pants, a couple of people see it but only me knows what it feels like.

Long story short, its her birthday today and I just want to wish her many more beautiful and productive years!!!

May our friendship be tighter than those blue jeans Buki wore in our 2nd year!
Love you muchly xxxxxx

Monday, 22 August 2011

The Crazy Human Jungle

I overheard a conversation between two girls at a salon the last time I was there. Apparently, one of them was constantly exchanging text messages and phone conversations with a certain guy she had never met and she had grown quite fond of him. They eventually made plans to hook up and she decided,to put awkward moments at a minimum? calm her nerves? whatever her reasons were, to bring a friend along. By the end of the date, the Mr had completely lost interest in her and was in total awe of the "handbag". As you rudely imagined, they exchanged numbers and started a face-to-face relationship soon after. Bitch! Snitch! Snake! Witch! Wow!

I have been in a similar situation myself. I got a call from a random dude, he met one of my friends and asked to take her out and she gave him my phone number instead. I was in my second year in Uni and somehow failed to snag a guy during the "October rush" so I was quite excited and determined to pin this one down. I was very nice, tried to sound sweet and hot on the phone, bought new lipglosses and hip hugging jeans in preparation for our first meet. Convo went well and lasted long. Finally, the day came. I was filled with nervous excitement and could not wait to introduce him to my world of friends. I wore my jeans, lipglossed my lips and asked two of my friends to come with me. We kept calling, trying to get a central location/ identify ourselves and what not, then I finally saw him. He wasn't that fine but had a really good body. With a huge smile on my face, leading my pack of 3, I sashayed towards him and introduced myself. He smiles back, pulled me towards him and whispered "who are your friends?" so I did a quick introduction. After he got their names, he cut me off the party!!!!!! Like completely ignored and totally forgot I was there. I couldn't even be mad. I was drained, no energy to display emotions. I left, not like my absence was noticed, for the nearest car mirror, gave a good look at myself then walked to my hostel and cooked some lies up about the guy having the most horrible breathe ever!

I still cannot come to terms with why he did that. I console myself with my size, as my two friends are fuller than I am, but why did he not just go with one?

Well I guess it's just how the crazy jungle we live in works!

Friday, 19 August 2011

Adults say darned things too!

I remember when Bill Cosby's "kids say the darndest things" was my favorite TV show. I remember this one kid who was asked if he knew what Jesus Christ's parents were called and with all the confidence in the world, he answered "Mr&Mrs Christ" Hilarious!!!!!!! I laughed my butt off. Isn't being a child bliss? You can get away with plenty of bullshit talk and the grown ups think you're absolutely cute.

I have some cool ass childish jokes to crack, better than Bill Cosby's kids,for fear of being tagged a retard, I crack them privately. But after reading one edition of cosmopolitan, I discovered the one place, adults can say the darnedest things, and actually get responses is....a sex doctor's office!

Look what some sex doctors got asked by grown ass adults, sad for them they had to respond:

  • "My dog watched me and my guy have sex last night. Could I have scarred him for life?"
  • "If I use a corn cob as a sex toy, could the kernels pop off and sprout inside me?"
  • "I have this thing where I go out into the woods and put honey on my genitals and get aroused by bug bites down there. Is this normal?"
  • "Can you recommend a doctor who can reset my penis? I broke it"
  • "My husband was anally probed by aliens but he says he doesn't remember this happening. Can you do something to help spark his memory?"
  • "Does a woman pee out of her vagina?"
  • "Will a guy really explode from blue balls if he doesn't have an orgasm?"
  • "I want to go down on my boyfriend and swallow. Will I get pregnant?"
  • "Doctor, I used a lubricating jelly like you advised me to but it tasted terrible with peanut butter and now I'm afraid I'm going to be sick, not to mention, I don't feel anymore turned on than I usually am. What should I do?"
  • "The idea of being violently tickled excites me greatly. Am I alone here? Do you think it's erotic?" 
  • "My penis does not stay hard during sex, it tends to go limp halfway through the act. Can I show you what I mean?"
  • "I work in a restaurant, is it weird to masturbate around 14 times a day while I'm on the job?'
Are you as speechless as I am?

Friday, 12 August 2011



Hope you lot didn't miss me? I was off for so long but I had to retire to do some thinking. I realized two and a half weeks ago that I should have matured into a young woman so I took sometime out to pretend to think after my mum asked where my fiance was,a couple of my friends popped children, got married and others had parties for their kids.

But I'm back and it does feel good xx

Tuesday, 5 July 2011

Snag a Man (2) : Science Saves Singletons!

Humans are a very fascinating species to observe! We are experts at disrupting and complicating nature's blueprints, spend our lives trying to fix what we have messed up and when we get lucky, come to a conclusion that mankind is a smart, one of a kind specie, rught!!

Take the process of hooking up for instance, it was meant to be as it was with Adam and Eve!I like to think God gave everyone a "bone of your bones" detector, finding your correct spouse should never have been a chore! It should have played out this way:

(Man playing with whatever has got his attention at the moment)
God: Poor man! He's lonely. He needs a companion (goes ahead to miraculously bring a woman forth wearing nothing too fancy and open man's eyes and whispers to him, "this is the bone of your bones")
Man: (drops toy) Wowage! Let's get married and make babies!
Woman: Okay!

Easy like that!
Enter the new millenium and what do you have? Fashion and Beauty 2.0! Brazillian hairs, lipglosses, mini skirts, and six packs have thrown us off course. we have almost lost our God hearing ability as far as finding a mate is concerned and every beautiful human is a potential mate. Take the compulsive human need to fix stuff we ruined into consideration, and we have concerned family members, The Bachelor and The Bachelorette shows and loads of other dating agencies that promise a cinderella ending.
Apparently, these agencies have started going downhill as only recently one of the Bachelor's broke up with the wife he found on the show after not so long.
So welcome the new way to find a soulmate- DNA testing!!! Carrie Seim, a single writer looking for her soulmate tried out this new dating service that matches couples based on genetic compability! Sounds wacky?! No! This is what God did with Adam. Anyway, amongst the men tested was a cute doctor who was found to be a great biological match so they started to date and they have been dating for so long and still as smitten as they were when they first met!

Didn't we just manage to replay the Adam and Eve story with lab equipment and clothed humans?

Friday, 17 June 2011

The New Breed of Bleachers

With Rihanna and Beyonce topping the bleachers chart, bleaching has become the in beauty trend. Every beauty shop in Lagos has a corner laboratory, stocked with a few mixing bowls, spoons, a spatula, a small table, a couple of jars of lotion and serums and the chemist tending to women who aren't quite pleased with their skin tones. Gone are the days when bleachers were tagged 'asewos" and "omo oshis", these days all kinds of women, from the really fair ones that make you realize how insatiable women are to the very dark ones that leave you wondering how many years of treatment would get her looking like her Beyonce target, walk very proudly into a Lagos lab for their very special skin treatment, the ones who feel posh about it do Makari and the others. If it hurts your skin so bad, there's Mac, Iman and Fashion Fair foundations and concealers to help out. So this isn't quite blog news.

But have you seen the new breed of bleachers?? They are called Men! They now have dressers topped with Fair and White serums! At least, he does it in his bedroom, and when you ask why he's fairer he says he's tasting the good life. The scary one was the young man I saw walk nicely into the store where I do my beauty shopping for a chemist appointment! Like wharahell!!! I was just recovering from my visual shock when I saw a photo of Jay Z!!! Obviously, Madam B's been giving him tips, but I really wonder, did all these people know Michael Jackson????

Oh! And where do I put Alao Akala's burnt story?

Wednesday, 15 June 2011

Good food, Good people and Cafe Licious

Sunday, 12th June 2011, French trained chef Frez, displayed culinary artistry with his special range of pancakes and waffles at Cafe Licious Opebi. The doors opened at 10 a m, and was filled to its capacity with beautiful people who either came to enjoy the pancakes or look at other beautiful people.

There was a whole lot, from the classic cinnamon apple pancakes with maple syrup and whipped cream to chocolate and caramelized banana pancakes to pancakes with scrambles eggs spicy BBQ-Chilli sausages and strawberry coulis pancakes. There was even the skinny pancake and mocha option for "calorie counters" and that tasted great.

The wonderful bit? All the goodness plus a smoothie or a hot chocolate came at a maximum of N2500!

The funny bit? I had been wanting an oreo cookie milkshake a long time, and when I got the menu, I was more than excited that I had turned up because it was right there on the menu. I wasted no time ordering it. And then it came and guess what I got? An oreo cookie, cream scrapped off, floating on top of a regular milkshake!!! I had it anyway as I couldn't send it back, but that was the most horrifying oreo cookie milkshake ever! I heard later that the milkshake was a Cafe Licious special not Chef Fregz, very relieving news!

The doors shut at 7 and everyone had a smile on their face, even the 'tourists' had a great time, watching beautiful people eat good food xx

Thursday, 2 June 2011

Of course it sucks that your ex has moved on and left you hunting, but did you know that your ex's next can provide surprising insight to the person you are and the kind of guy you should really be with. I found this article in a little corner of one of my Cosmopolitan magazines and thought I'd be nice and share. Think of it as some sort of compass, steering you to the right man/ relationship.

His new GF: The girl next door
Who she is: She's cute and sweet and all she wants to do is curl up on the couch with him every night
What it says about you:This GF is ideal for a guy who craves routine. Now you have to find a man who won't be threatened when you run off to do something new or who you like enough to take along with you.

His new GF: The wildcard
Who she is: She was voted most likely to become Angelina Jolie in high school (in our context, Funke Akindele)
What it says about you: A man goes this route when he's lost (ahem, Brad Pitt, in our context, the married man Funke Akindele is shagging and trying to marry) and wants a take charge woman, whereas you accepted for who he is. Don't change, just aim for a guy with clear goals

His new GF:The plain Jane
Who she is: Her daily uniform is jeans and a tee and her idea of beauty is a quick shampoo
What it says about you: His bland choic means that your beauty (and brains) intimidated the hell out of him. Its time you dated a guy who is confident enough to feel like your equal

His new GF:The social butterfly
Who she is: She has a bazillion friends on facebook and posts party pics of her and your ex
What it says about you: While you may not need to hang with friends 24/7, your ex thrives on being around people. Your better off dating a dude who looks forward to laying low with you

So there people, men may really not be jerks, you guys were just mismatched
Happy hunting

Tuesday, 17 May 2011

Snag a man (1)

In parts of the world that experience all four seasons, statistics show that more men are snagged up when the sun is out, Savannah and John from Dear John, Sandy and Danny from Grease, the two lovers from The Notebook and tons more. Why's that? More skin is on show! See men, they are so sexually oriented, they like bare legs, cleavage, sexy abs, fine behinds. I like to think 98% of men have sex on their minds when they move up to say hi to a lady, the other 2% accidentally bump into you and while they are apologising, realize how hot you are and ask you on a couple of dates.

Nigeria experiences blazing heat all year round, we should be raining men, we should get hit on every hour we spend outdoors, however, we are wearing too many jeans and hiding our hot legs, wearing waistcoats over long sleeve dresses, pashminas over strapless and sweetheart necklines hiding every hint of shoulders and cleavage *sigh*  Ladies! we need to uncover up, sometimes a pair of jeans and a top won't do. Stop wearing them to the beach and rolling it up.Be sexy, wear something hot,Whip out your mini skirts from hiding or shop some, find denim shorts or shorten an old pair, show some cleavage and see how many men hit on you. Don't be too worried about unwanted men hitting on you, Kim Kardashian gets stalked and hit on by lowly men, many of us earn way less than 100k and want a collection of Chanel purses and sunglasses, so let them hit on you, in a twisted way, it's good medicine for your ego. All the girls featured here, they have blokes!
Be sure to accessorize with sunglasses, cute sandals, purses, belts, bracelets, a cute puppy and maybe a car

Friday, 29 April 2011

Yoruba-d boys

My mum and her brother were in a terrible argument once and she concluded he was a bastard! I was beyond shocked! A whole 'Jesus is Lord' believing woman. Either she felt guilty or saw the need to educate the shock on my face, she explained bastard really meant saddist not the child without parents definition I knew it as.

Yoruba ex boyfriends/lovers especially the ones that break up with you or act mean so you have no choice but to end the relationship fit this 'bastard' description.

When they are new, they'll meet eleven of the ten things you want in a man, they know the perfect date spots, have the perfect words for every depressive state you may go through, they are always almost the next best things.

Somehow there's a misunderstanding, you try to find out what went wrong so you can fix but as yoro is done, the relationship ends. You are miserable for days/weeks/months, after sometime things are going good, you manage to dress your emotions to health and looking forward to either a bubbly single life or a dreamy relationship.

Then one fine day, 8 months after break up, you're tracing your brows for the date you just scored and your phone rings, text message 'hey babe, what's up? I realize now that us breaking up was a mistake. I miss you terribly. Can we hook up sometime?' That's how he lets you know you're not over him. He won't just let you move on! Fucking bastard!!!

Thursday, 28 April 2011

I left my write up at home!!!!!!! sobs! sobs! sobs!
Oh and the Fela show was off the hook and because it was to dark, nobody saw how cute my bum looked

Wednesday, 20 April 2011

Its Fela and a pair of harems

HR service centre decided to attend the Fela broadway concert for their team bonding. I almost died of envy after I heard. The sad/bitter look on my face must have been so  convincing the HR manager invited me. Elated doesn't quite describe how I felt. In my head, I picked out my outfit, my new pair of black harems, blue t shirt, skinny belt and skin flats. I didn't even bother with trying my outfit, I just knew it would work.

Wednesday morning, in my mind I looked like Gwen Stefani on a stylish tour break and I had not even worn jewelry or make up and I looked this hot??

Walk into the office and everyone is asking me JAMB questions,"what's the idea behind the outfit?", "why do you like oversized pants" bla bla! Even though I look like it, my confidence is not at its peak  and I hope one cute guy realizes how great my bum looks in a pair of black harems.

I hope it's a fantastic show too xxxx

Tuesday, 19 April 2011

Many yayyys for me and a couple of beers!

After years of scribbling my thoughts on bits of random papers, back of my class notes, diaries, I have finally decided to post online.

Twenty's boutique will cover every aspect of my twenty's crisis, the beauty of it- experimental/trendy fashion and make up in a not so trendy zones, boys, gossip, chill out times, good food; my insecurities- watching my belly weight, wanting more hips, wondering if my occassional 'madness" chased a potental bloke and why all my make up and cool clothes haven't brought a 'perfect' mate, finding a job and keeping it, balancing my wants with earnings and some more 20s single and looking experiences.

Hopefully it's a fun read xxx